My gosh, I can’t believe it has been five years (to the day, no less). No one wants tomes; they want sound bites, hence the popularity of Twitter, which is being eclipsed by Snapchat (and now that I sent my youngest son one, he has sworn off that.)
Besides having cancer [though I am in an a clinical trial that has a 98% response rate [and yes, the one tumor I could palpate, is smaller than it was two years ago, (which is another way of saying if I were to feel my body for tumors in an average layman kind of a way, I would never notice the one that has gone down so much)], I am presently suffering with acute bronchitis. It was fairly easy to self-diagnose, but after having gone on for a week, I stopped in to see my physician, and he confirmed what I suspected—shallow breathing, fever, deep hacking cough like you were going to throw up, phlegm that comes from your chest and not your head, fatigue, find it excruciatingly difficult to sleep for any amount of time. Taking a chest X-RAY, there may be a little pneumonia in one of my lung lobes, but that is not conclusive.
I got to thinking, I am glad I am retired so that I have time to be sick. Now, I am not trying to be Poor, Pitiful Pearl. I am exceedingly blessed. I’m in a better place than I would have ever dreamed possible. But the life of the clergy is exceedingly hard. No one gets that, till you are in their shoes.
A colleague of mine recounted how his nephew fresh out of college has landed a job in which he will make more money than this man made at his last church before retirement. I grimaced when he said that. I knew it was true. And I totally grasp that none of us entered the ministry to make money. But clergy have incredibly difficult jobs. Everyone in your congregation, especially on the Monday after Sunday, can tell you how you could have done it better. Or how you failed to see Aunt Minnie in the hospital and people are all upset. Or there’s never enough money, and you constantly have your hand out to remind people about giving to the Lord. Grace is free, but A/C, and lights, and gas all have a price tag, as does building upkeep, as does quality staff. Or there is a rumor spreading, which is a half-truth (worse than a lie) and you’ve got to try to counter it. Or you have an off month attendance wise and you begin to feast on your anxieties. What am I doing wrong? Why don’t people like me?
I’ve been retired for over 2½ years, and just reading through that list, is like a heart stab. I’ve not forgotten. It is a trait, that by and large, clergy are looking for love and affirmation, and all too often, the churches they serve are toxic for them.
What I’m saying to you is this: whether you go to church, or whether you do not, pray for some minister, somewhere. It will do you good. When you pass a church, think about the poor pastor trying to keep it all together. It’s tough.
But coaching is tough, and so is being the superintendent of a school system. It is exceedingly hard to remain self-defined in such highly anxious systems.
I think in some ways our society is being envenomed by the political atmosphere through which we are going. The acrimony, the finger-pointing, the ad hominem arguments, are poisoning. People that I know personally, take on a nearly scathing, vicious persona on line. One of my colleagues while being very personally affirmative looks for every single negative article he can post about the current administration. People are seemingly unable to get loose from their anxieties surrounding the political sphere. I have cut way back on watching the cable news shows because the constant bombardment of conflict, intrigue, looking for a deep, dark ulterior motive rather than take the Occams Razor solution with any credibility are enervating.
Just recently, I had a 1st cousin, twice removed, post one of the most outrageous, unsubstantiated bits of libel I had ever seen about the death of David Rockefeller. I took him to task, albeit in a playful way. I helped him to understand that Rockefeller had given away ½ of his fortune to help others. I wondered if in any given year, he had given away even $5,000 to help the common good. Silence.
In my current malaise I have been enjoying more simple conversations, just reading and “liking”, (although in a closed clergy group, liturgical concerns still get my dander up), letting go, and letting the world spin around some.